Posted by: Calmseas (Mike) | December 18, 2007


Older Than DirtBirthdays come but once a year—and, insanely, year after year after year.

My granddaughter called me this morning to wish me a happy birthday. I asked her whether I was old now. Her reply: “Yea, really old”—with emphasis on the word really.

My granddaughter is five years old; Hannah Montana is really old to her. Just the same, it is amazing that time has now moved past me so fast that I cannot only say that I have a granddaughter, but that I can carry on an intelligent conversation with her.

It is time to slow things down a bit. I am now envious of those born in a leap year on February 29. I think we should all celebrate a birthday only once every four years—or at least only every two years, if we can get away with it. I’m so old that the drivers license bureau didn’t even bother to have me come in for a new photo this time around. The same photo will be good for eight full years. I’m sure that their reasoning goes something like this: “How much older can an old guy look anyway after only eight years.”

Well, if there is any consolation in adding one more tick mark to the wall, it’s that I found out today that I am only as old as dirt, and not older than dirt. I found that out from a little quiz that I took this afternoon. Happily, I scored 18, placing me squarely in the middle of the “as old as dirt” category. I am relieved. I am not a complete fossil yet.

Anyway, here is the quiz so that you, too, can determine your status vis-a-vis the soil.

Are you Older than Dirt?

How many of these do you remember?

1. Candy cigarettes
2. Wax coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water inside.
3. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottles.
4. Coffee shops with tableside juke boxes
5. Blackjack chewing gum
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles, with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines.
8. Newsreels before the movie.
9. P. F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix…(DRExel-5505)
12. Howdy Doody
13. 45 RPM Records
14. S&H Green Stamps
15. Hi-fi’s
16. Metal ice cube trays, with levers
17. Mimeograph paper
18. Blue flash Bulbs
19. Beanie and Cecil
20. Roller skate keys
21. Cork pop guns
22. Drive ins
23. Studebakers
24. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0 to 5, you’re still young.
If you remembered 6 to 15, you are getting older.

If you remembered 16 to 23, you are as old as dirt
If you remembered all 24 , you are Older than Dirt!

Courtesy of the “Older Than Dirt Society.”



  1. Hmm, my score says I’m “getting older,” but I maintain that that’s only because I’m the youngest child in my family… hanging out with folks older than oneself exposes one to all these strange old things.

    That’s my story, and I’m stickin’ to it! 😉

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