Posted by: Calmseas (Mike) | October 15, 2008

The One-Mile Challenge

These days, it seems impossible for me to drive a mile without encountering a certified, card-carrying moron behind the wheel of another vehicle.  Often in the five-and-a-half-mile stretch that I drive to and from work everyday, I will cross paths with three or more such persons each way!  There are a host of things that moron drivers do that define them as morons.  For a list of moron driver activities, you may want to check out this website: How To Drive Like A Moron. The site provides a nearly exhaustive manual for moron drivers, though it is doubtful that any moron has ever seen himself described in this manual.  This leads to the two fundamental, universal truths of “morondom”—the first an underlying principle of all moronic activity, and the second a foundational principle specific to moronic driver activity:

1.  A moron never, ever realizes that he (or she) is a moron.  The converse is also true: If you think that you might possibly be a moron, you can’t possibly be one—you have disqualified yourself the moment the thought popped into your head.

2.  A moron driver always assumes that he (or she) is the only one on the road, that he (or she), in fact, owns the road.  You, as another driver sharing space with the moron, simply do not exist.

I challenge you to take the one-mile moron challenge and drive a random mile once a day for thirty days.  Each day, see if you can make it the entire mile without locking horns with at least one moron driver.  Look down at your odometer at any random point along your journey and mark your starting point.  In the mile that follows, simply take note of any moronic activity by another driver and mark your calendar “yes” or “no” for that day.  At the end of thirty days, add up the total moron days (yes) and the total non-moron days (no) and see how you fared for the month.  I would be interested in the results.  Please return here and post them if you would.  I’m going to bet that you have by far more moron days than non-moron days.  Let’s see if this is the case as we attempt to prove it scientifically and conclusively through this experiment.

Morons: They walk among us (or drive among us, as the case may be); they are everywhere; you never know when or where you will encounter a moron; and they have the potential to mess up your day big-time.  So always be on your guard.  Drive as defensively as you know how— because they have no idea that you are on the road with them.

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